
Expect the unexpected; it's required to survive Iran's roads. An American greenhorn at the wheel, With driving instructor Shahraum Yousefian.
I have been driving for 27 years but only in the West. My father forced me to take 10 two-hour driving sessions “to learn to drive Iranian ... because it’s a matter of life or death.”
Here’s the speech I got on my first session from instructor Shahraum Yousefian, 40, before I got to turn on the engine:
“I’ve been on the streets doing this for 14 years. It doesn’t pay a lot and I could be doing more lucrative things. I do it because I love my job.
“The traffic laws are exactly the same as the ones in America and 52 other countries. Reality, obviously, is a little different.
“Driving in Iran is less about obeying the rules and more about zoorchepooni [using force] or you won’t get anywhere. You’ll be at the same intersection the rest of the day waiting for someone to let you in [to the traffic stream].
“The average driver has no concept of there being any rules of driving. He just spins the wheel and beeps trying to open the way for himself, like he’s in a bumper-cars ride, never looking in the mirror, never caring what happens to the other drivers.
“Then you got the jon-bauz who might be moaji. He is driving toward you and suddenly he thinks you’re an enemy patrol.
“You have to constantly watch the parked cars because they’ll move right into the traffic without any warning, without so much as a pause, without so much as a glance at the [rearview] mirror.
“You got the kid who is talking on his mobile parked on the side [cell phone use while driving is illegal in Iran], fighting with someone. Then he drops his mobile and launches right into the traffic on his way to fight with the guy he was talking to.

Expect the unexpected; bikes, motorcyles, pedestrians and cars co-exist on Iranian streets—barely though.
“The blinkers in the Iranian cars remain completely brand new during the entire life of the car. It might never be used.
“Mirrors—you’ve got cars missing mirrors on one side or both sides, or even the rearview mirror is gone. He drives around for years with absolutely no idea what’s behind him.
“So in Iran, you don’t just watch where you’re going. You also have to constantly watch others around you. Always expect the unexpected. Never, ever assume the other guy will obey the law or even show any common sense.
“Pedestrians and drivers are in a constant battle. Drivers treat pedestrians like other cars.
“The law says that even if there’s not a marked pedestrian crossing, the car should stop five meters before the intersection in anticipation of a pedestrian. In reality, drivers don’t respect the marked pedestrian crossings; they don't stop for other cars, let alone for pedestrians.
“If they do have to stop because of traffic, they’d stop right over the pedestrian crossing line. So the pedestrian, instead of walking straight, has to zigzag his way around the cars.
“The law says that you have to keep a car-length’s distance for every 15 kilometers of speed. Reality, of course, is different. When you can obey the law, but in most traffic you have to be content to just being able to see the rear wheels of the car in front of you. Otherwise people behind you will give you hell.
“Same with speed. Most of the time you have to forget about the speed limit. The people around you won’t let you.
“Never stop out of courtesy for others [pedestrians or cars] to pass. If you do, people behind you will hit you because they just don’t expect it.
“Also if the pedestrian is a woman, she’ll think you want to pick her up. Just the other day a woman cursed me because a student stopped to let her cross the street.
“Use your mirrors frequently, all three. You have to keep watching your back all the time or people will hit you.
“Going down a one-way street, you have to expect a 90-percent chance of a motorcycle and at least a 20-percent chance of a car coming right toward you, at full speed.
“My cousin grew up in Germany. When he came here, he’d go out and within 10 minutes he’d call on his mobile [phone] from the side of street and scream, ‘come get me. I can’t deal with these crazies’.”